Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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