So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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