i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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