6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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