Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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