Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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