How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
