it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
