I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
