just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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