$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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