She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
