come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
