Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
