What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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