Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
