I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
