I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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