Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
