Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize