1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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