...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
