bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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