I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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