My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
