how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
