Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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