my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
