yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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