So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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