I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well you can't waste a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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