Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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