In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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