One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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