from now on my penis is your penis
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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