If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
