I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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