And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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