she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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