i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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