He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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