if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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