She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
