I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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