My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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