So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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