went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
