He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
