theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
