the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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