Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
