nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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