I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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