I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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