I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
