The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
