it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
