I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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