Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
