At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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