he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think people are normalizing furries
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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