Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
