a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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