I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
