Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We just shotgunned beers for America
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
