I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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