You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
