Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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