Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ate ashes out of my bong
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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