How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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