he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
