Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
