U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
