Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
