It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
