Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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