i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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