Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
