I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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