Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
