I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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