my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
