I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
